10 Weeks…

…I carried around a Life-Sized new born baby doll from the time I was 7 to… well she’s in storage now… just to save me the embarrassment. Her name is Isabella, she cried when you put her down for too long and she laughed when you tossed her in the air. My grandma loved to go thrift store shopping and I would always get Isabella new clothes. I even got her a bassinet at one point. I painted her nails and sang her to sleep. I never dreamed of having a baby boy, I always knew it would be a beautiful Bella, but now, now that it’s real…I’m so confused. My mom has always wanted a baby boy, she just has my sister and I. So the minute she found out I was pregnant, 21 and pregnant, in a rocky relationship…she made sure to emphasize that it BETTER be a baby boy. For some reason at that point I wanted a boy, or I was confused. I guess I just want a healthy baby….but it’s so much deeper than that… I guess I just want more to live for, because in 2010 my world fell apart…